I never thought I would end up here...in the burbs. But here I am trying to make my way, make friends for Lily and I and be a good neighbor. I'm just hoping I like the baby mama's as much as Lily likes the babies. So far, not so much.
Anyway here are some things that are getting on my nerves and some things I think other's should know about the secret life of suburbanites.
1. There is a time to mow and a time not to mow your lawn. My neighbor likes to mow his lawn at 8:45 PM. Exactly how can I remind him in a nice, neighborly way that my kid goes to bed at 7:30? Also, he never wears a shirt. Ever. I have never seen him with a shirt on. I've seen him with his shirt off more times since I've moved here than I've seen myself with my shirt off. However,I would like to ask his wife for a few parenting tips. She has 4 boys under the age of 10 and she appears to be sane. Although I do see her in her bathrobe a lot. Hmmmm. Maybe she's a drinker.
2. People aren't that friendly. When you move into a new neighborhood everyone is already friends with each other and their kids are already friends with each other's kids or they have already decided they don't like each other. The development that we live in was built in 1995 so based on that most people have kids that are between the ages of 8 and 14. The funny thing is that we are the same age as all of our neighbors but we have a 1.5 year old. The few couples I've seen stroller past with small children appear to be in their late 20's. I've been trying to meet this one woman all week but every time she's in her yard playing with her daughter, I'm in my car. It would be nice to have a playdate close to home instead of having to schlep Lily to meet up with some of my friend's kids. Whatever happened to neighbors stopping over with an apple pie when you move in or inviting you over for a cocktail. Maybe I've been watching too much Mad Men.
3. No one is ever around on the weekends. In the summer everyone is at a cabin, on vacation or on a boat. I'm not sure why people have these elaborate patios, pools and rainbow play yards. No one is ever outside (except of course my shirtless, lawn mowing neighbor Tom). And, rainbow play yards = waste of money. They cost between $1,000- $1500 bucks EVERY SINGLE ONE of my neighbor's have one and I have YET to see ONE CHILD play on them. Publc playgrounds work just fine for us.
4. Don't scream the F word with the windows open. I've had to stop myself multiple times when I've scaled myself with boiling water or just about stabbed myself while slicing a carrot or my boss calls me last minute at 5:20 PM on a Friday and wants to talk about my sales for the month. It's really quiet out here and there's no noisy traffic so one needs to be on their best behaviour at all times to avoid becoming labeled the crazy neighbor.
5. Why does everyone leave their garage doors open? This is a suburban phenomenon that I have yet to figure out. People leave their garage doors open all day. In the city people close their garage doors because they have read the papers and know that the most common way people get robbed is by leaving the door open. Obviously people out here haven't gotten the memo or read the paper recently or just can't read at all.
